I have a date tonight. It’s a second date with the gentleman I met for lunch a couple weeks ago. I’m working 12 to 9 today so we’re meeting up for a late movie. He agreed to go see Spiderman Homecoming even though he’s not a fan of superhero movies. I offered to see something else but he insisted.
I’m feeling a little guilty/conflicted. This guy is incredibly nice. He actually works at the same company as my step dad and knows him well. Small world. He’s fresh out of a marriage though. His wife left him a month ago. I know that I started dating a couple months after my former husband left, I started dating Luke actually, but I wasn’t ready and nothing materialized between us until a year later. I suppose everyone is different but when he says he’s ready I don’t buy it.
Then there’s my feelings to take into consideration. I’m not entirely attracted to this guy. I’m not sure if I could see myself being anything more than his friend. If I had to choose between him and Luke there wouldn’t even be a moment of thought put into it. It’s be Luke. I just look at Luke and I melt. It’s possible I could develop feelings over time… that’s how it was for my former husband. I was iffy on Luke to start too… but I was physically attracted to Luke and I settled when it came to my former husband.
Luke is unable to commit. I’m emotionally invested in Luke. I don’t think this guy is ready for a relationship. He might just need a distraction. So… is it ok to be that distraction? Is it ok to see where this goes? Or was it wrong of me to accept his offer of a second date? I need to see other people that aren’t Luke as I can sit around hoping and waiting that he’s going to realize I’m fucking amazing. I need to continue looking for someone who meets my needs and checks all my boxes. But I don’t think I’m willing to cut Luke loose just yet… at least not for this guy.
I don’t know how dating works, especially dating in 2017. If I’m not committed to anyone is it wrong to go out on dates with multiple people? How does this work? I really don’t know how to navigate this. It’s just a movie right? Not a big deal right? If it’s not a big deal though than why do I feel so guilty?