Some how, like I typically tend to do, I landed on my feet. The lease has been signed and I have two keys for a two bedroom apartment in my wallet. Technically speaking, I have two homes right now. Bananas right? I officially move in on Saturday so I’ll talk more about this after I’m in and settled.
Instead, I’m choosing to speak about Luke. I slept with him again… and again. He slept over last Friday. I was cool about it though. I didn’t come running. We did things on my terms. I played hard to get. He didn’t just fool around and peace though. He slept over. I don’t know how I feel about it. Part of me doesn’t give a fuck. Part of me missed him.
Last night I’m jolted awake by the sound of my Golden Retriever barking. Like a fool, I don’t lock my door. He herd the first door open and was on alert. My girl is silent. She doesn’t get it. She cries when she thinks I’ve just gotten home because she’s excited to see me. Knowing that I’m already home and in bed though I guess she didn’t feel the need to join her brother and bark.
I’m frozen. I’m wearing an over sized tank top and nothing else. No bra, no panties. It’s after 3am on a week night. It’s either Luke, or someone is breaking in. My apartment is tiny. They layout is weird. There isn’t a balcony or a second exit. Even if I wanted to make a run for it while being basically naked there’s no where to go. There’s no where to hide. If it’s not Luke than I’m clearly dead. So I sit, frozen, in bed, staring at the door that connects to the stairs that leads to the outside door. Waiting for it to open. Waiting for my heart to stop racing.
If it wasn’t obvious by now, it was Luke, and not a murderer that happened to be passing by. He comes in and asks 50 times if this is ok and if I’m mad. Relieved that I’ll live to see another day I tell him to stop babbling and get in bed. He jokes that my dogs are jerks and that he really just wanted to sneak in. I’m just happy my incredibly friendly golden retriever knew enough to alert me of stranger danger. I check my phone and sure enough there were text messages from Luke 15 minutes prior asking if he could sleep over.
Luke tends to babble, like I do. He also has similar anxiety issues that I have. Our banter can be pretty entertaining. I cuddle into him while rubbing his chest like I typically do and he starts to worry.
Luke: What if I snook in here and you had another guy in your bed?
Me: I don’t know. That’d rank pretty high on the awkward scale
Luke: What would you do?
Me: I don’t know. Start locking my door?
Luke: You can’t do this with anyone else ok? Cuddling, and rubbing my chest. That’s our thing. You can’t.
Me: Well, there isn’t another guy in the picture at the moment so I think you’re safe for now.
This little exchange left me feeling a little weird. You can’t lock down my amazing cuddle skills. I’m sorry but if I meet someone that I connect with am I just suppose to say “Sorry, you’re a great guy, but I promised my fuck buddy who can’t commit that I wouldn’t cuddle with other guys” Like seriously? What was he thinking?
We had sex. Good, solid, 10/10, best sex I’ve ever had sober sex. It just didn’t end. Multiple positions. Have you ever had something feel so amazing that you think you might actually cry? Yeah, that good. I didn’t even give him a blow job. I just got out of this world sex that I can’t stop thinking about.
He called me sexy. When he first crawled into bed. He was super attentive. I joked about how he wouldn’t be able to pop by once I move as I was further away. He responds with *New City Name* isn’t that far away. I’m still going to come in and sneak into your bed. Later a few hours later he called me Babe while I was on top, something I don’t like to do often, and asked if I was ok and if it was good for me.
What the fuck is happening here? What is he doing? What is he thinking? I can’t let this keep happening. I love the sex, and I’m definitely not going to put a stop to that… but unless he commits I can’t fall down that rabbit hole again. No more feelings. We vibe so well but I can’t sit around hoping he’ll change his mind.
Fuck Luke. What are you doing to me????